Headphones

I’ve been thinking about digging out my mp3 players and filling them up again as something to listen to on my breaks at work. The break room is quite large compared to the one at the other shop, so there’s less of a chance of multiple loud conversations and TikTok videos going at the same time and irritating my audio processing disorder. I can handle the levels in that room, and there’s always other places within the building I can go (or even to my car) if I need a bit of quiet.

I’ll totally cop to wanting to revisit those old high school days where I could distance myself from everything and focus only on whatever I’m listening to. I keep coming back to that as a possible way to unplug from all the excess noise and online presence I currently find myself in. [If it worked in the past, why not try it again?] These days the only time I see earbuds is when a customer’s having a day job conversation on their phone while checking out, otherwise most people’s media intake is on speaker. While I’m not complaining about that per se, it can sometimes be overwhelming to my APD (especially if they’re the type that likes to have the reel repeat itself multiple times) because I have to work twice as hard to focus on what noises and voices I need to focus on at that moment.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s more than wanting to revisit those 80s memories once more like I’d mentioned previously. That’s a big part of why I want to revisit this listening habit. But I’ve always had APD to some extent though I only learned what it was in the last decade or so, so a lot of the listening issues I had during my school years suddenly make more sense. And my wanting to hide away with headphones, turns out, wasn’t just a matter of wanting to escape life for a while, either; it was also a way to shut out the sounds and voices that irritated me.

And to weave it all together: whenever I did cocoon myself with a set of headphones and music playing on my Walkman (or even listening to music on my radio in an otherwise quiet house), that’s when my mind was calm. And that’s when I was able to fully and successfully lose myself in the mood that music created, and thus use as influence and inspiration for my creative outlets. Calm audio input means calm audio process means calm focus.

And I sense that that is what my brain needs right now, once more. Some kind of aural realignment, something to bring a calm clarity and perhaps a refreshing inspiration.

Walk in Silence…

It’s been quite a long time since I’ve listened to the music I grew up with. In fact I was kind of trying to avoid it on purpose. Not for any emotional reasons (not this time, at any rate), more that I wanted to distance myself from it for a bit.

You all know how obsessive I can get about listening to music, and sometimes I’ll get myself into a spiral of listening to certain albums (or years) on constant repeat. On the surface that’s not inherently bad. Sometimes you just want to listen to the music that resonated with you the most. Songs and albums that created a deep and lasting connection with your life and awakens memories both good and bad.

Thing is, I felt like I was doing this a little too often, to the detriment of any new music that came my way. I know I’m an outlier in this sort of thing: I’m just that kind of obsessive where I’m also constantly interested in new and fascinating things. [The new album by The Clockworks is amazing and they are so criminally underrated. I highly recommend all their work.] So I purposely distanced myself from the sounds of my past, at least for a little while. Just long enough where I felt I wouldn’t fall into another listening spiral.

It was the recent “forty years ago” meme that changed that, however. Several people on social media remembering music that dropped in 1986, and I of course thought oh man, this is a perfect Forty Years On series…maybe it’s time to return. Especially considering that was the year when I discovered college radio and my listening habits completely changed from classic rock and AT40 to alternative almost overnight.

So here I am now, thinking that maybe it’s time to allow myself a bit of reminiscence again. Thinking that maybe it’s finally time to work through that Walk in Silence book once and for all. I have the time and the spoons for it. And I’m starting to see even more books and articles about Gen-X 80s and 90s alternative rock these days, now that my generation is slowly trudging its way towards Elder status. And I realize that I still want to tell my side of that story: not about a scene or anything like that, but just a story about someone who’s listened to this stuff to the point of obsession and let it influence and inspire their life. A story about how alternative rock not only changed me for the better but connected me with a group of people that became lifelong friends.

Will it be any different from the outtakes and the 80s posts I put up here over the years? That’s a good question. I’ve told some of that story here of course, but I’ve left stuff out as well. Stuff that’s just a bit too personal, things I didn’t want to share online at the time, or things that were a bit too emotionally rough for me to revisit. And there are some things I’ve completely forgotten that come to light after a close listen to a certain song or album, well after the original posts. There’s also the fact that I’ve told and retold the story in different ways and never quite felt satisfied with it as a writer.

Let’s be honest here: I’ve also been thinking about returning to that era’s music here anyway. After all, this blog is named after the first line of Joy Division’s “Atmosphere”, and its original purpose was to talk about my obsessions with said era. I won’t be dismissing my interest in new music at all, and I’m sure that talking about it here on a regular schedule will continue; I’m just saying that it’s time for me to return to where I’m happiest: back when I used to call it “college rock”.

Catching up on music with….Frank Zappa??

For me, Frank Zappa is up there with the Grateful Dead, Phish, Brian Eno, Robert Fripp and his infinite number of projects, and other bands and musicians that many of my friends in college loved and yet they never quite resonated with me until much later in life. Perhaps it was the high-level prog nerdiness and/or the low-level meandering jams that I just didn’t have the patience or the focus to check them out.

Until recently, that is, as I’ve been doing a bit of a deep dive with Zappa. Mind you, I’m quite familiar with some of his more well-known tracks like the VERY 80s track he did with his daughter, “Valley Girl”…

…or his occasional appearance on The Dr Demento Show with the classic “Don’t Eat the Yellow Snow”…

…or the deep cut “Flower Punk” (a wonderfully bent take on “Hey Joe”) that my freshman year roommate played me one day…

…or the twitchy “G-Spot Tornado” that showed up on MTV’s 120 Minutes every now and again.

Zappa was definitely one of those musicians that musicians loved. He was also someone you’d hear on the more adventurous AOR and Progressive Radio stations, like I did when I used to listen to WMDK back in the late 80s. You knew he had a ridiculously large discography that spanned studio, stage, and genre. And he was also extremely vocal (and very erudite) against music censorship in the 80s, and spoke at the PMRC Senate hearings.

He’s recently found a place in my ever-growing music library, and I’m eventually going to make my way through his body of work. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get through it all, but I’d like to further understand what he was all about other than being the extremely intelligent and inquisitive weirdo with very little social filter.

Let me know in the comments if you have any suggestions on what I should listen to! [And definitely let me know in the comments if there’s a biography about him that you think I’d enjoy!]

A little about hearing

Some might have heard me talking about this before, but I find this kind of fascinating because I’m 99% certain I have auditory processing disorder. I haven’t been diagnosed by a doctor about it, but I would not be surprised if they agree. This short does kind of explain it a bit:

Now, I can hear you say: ‘wait, you, the person obsessed with listening to music, have a hearing problem?’ Well, it’s not a hearing problem. It’s a processing problem. I put it this way: if we’re in a crowded and noisy restaurant, it’s not that I’m deaf and can’t hear you. It’s that I can hear you. And the couple next to us. And the sound system that’s playing the music just a bit too loud. And the TV down the way that’s playing the game. And the bros constantly cheering at it. And if you’re not facing me while you speak, I lose the clarity of your voice. I hear all of it at the same levels, and my issue is that I have trouble filtering it so I can focus only on what you’re saying. [It’s also why I can’t wear a radio earbud at work, because I’d be too distracted by all the chatter on top of all the other noise within the store. I just use the radio the old fashioned way.]

I also often say I have shockingly sharp spatial hearing. I can easily tell which direction a noise originated no matter what direction I’m facing. It’s part of why I love music so much, especially if it’s a well-produced stereo mix. I’m sure if I had a surround-sound system it would be bliss, but also highly distracting. But it does have its plusses, in that I’m often more aware of my surroundings than other people are, that is if I’m not inundated by multiple other noises.

So yeah, I’m quite proud of being the age I’m at and still having relatively decent hearing, but APD does have its own drawbacks. I’ve just learned to work around it.

Catching up on music…with Preoccupations

I can’t decide if this band is trying to be Comsat Angels, early Cocteau Twins, The Chameleons UK, or all of them and more. Not that I’m complaining, because this is fast becoming one of my favorite recent acquisitions!

What I mean to say is that this new album is definitely hitting all the right buttons for me: echoey 80s post-punk retro goodness that sounds like something you’d hear on some college radio station just about coming in on your boombox in your bedroom. Melodic basslines, vocals alternating between slithery and shouty, jangly guitar riffs, and adventurous melodies that resonate perfectly for me. I highly recommend this one.

Catching up on music…

Considering I’ve spent the last month or so focusing on moving house and day job stuff, I’ve fallen behind on my listening habits! So I’m going to spend a few days just going through some of the new releases and get my head around them.

Such as the new Peter Murphy album, Silver Shade, which came out on 9 May. I have to admit I really love it mainly because it feels like a true return to his classic form. His last couple of albums were good but very ponderous, but this one brings him back to the style he did best back in the late 80s and early 90s. It really does sound like a mix of the best parts of Love Hysteria and Deep, but with the added bonus of some heavy NIN influence.

Definitely an album I’ll be listening to during writing sessions.

More to come!

Which connection I should cut

Yes, it’s come to that. I’ve finally admitted to myself that perhaps I should cull some of my digital music library, as it’s become unwieldy. As I’d recently mentioned to my friends on our Discord channel: I might keep the backups on the secondary external (which itself is getting a bit full), but I can definitely see where I have some tracks and albums that I haven’t listened to in way too long. I most likely downloaded some of this stuff because I’m a completist that’s obsessed with full discographies. Or I may have acquired it out of curiosity and it just never resonated with me. Or I heard a track on KEXP or elsewhere and thought I’d give the rest of the album a try.

Part of this was my lingering worry that the music on our Plex server is nigh on impossible to navigate because I have so much on there. But more importantly, I’ve long been at the point where music has stopped resonating so closely with me because I haven’t allowed it to get close. If I’m not listening to it more than a few times by next Friday when the new releases come out, some of it falls by the wayside to be forgotten. And that’s been happening for the last couple of years.

Mind you, it’s weird getting rid of things you no longer listen to when your music library is 100% digital. It’s not as if you can bring them to the local record store for cash or store credit. You just simply…select and delete. Like I said — I’m not completely deleting it, I’m just taking it off my main music external, so I’m not wasting money or anything. Just that I need to give myself time to become attached to the things I like and what resonates with me.

This is most likely going to be a long term culling project that I’ll do in increments over a long stretch of time. And hopefully out of all of this, I’ll reacquire that love for music that’s been eluding me for far too long.

Coming up on year’s end…

I never got around to creating an end of year mixtape for 2023 — or a best-of list, come to think of it — and to be honest, I had good reason for it. While it was a good year for the most part, there were other personal things going on that took precedence, and it just fell by the wayside. I just didn’t have the spoons for it. It is what it is, though. It’s not the end of the world.

Now that we’re a month and a half away from the end of 2024, I’m pretty sure I’ll have something to go in the last week of December. I caught up on mixtape-making this year by reviving the Re:Defined series that I’d created back in the early 00s for similar reasons: changes in music tastes, changes in personal life, changes in outlook.

And there’s definitely been a lot of good stuff out there this year. I don’t always get to listen to it as frequently as I’d like (and I’d like to change that habit in the new year), but on the other hand there were quite a few albums I’ve been returning to on a consistent basis. Songs that get stuck in my head for days at a time.

We’ll see where this all leads in the coming weeks!

It’s National Radio Day!

I don’t even remember when I started paying attention to the radio. It might have been my dad listening to classical or jazz on NPR, or us listening to pop on the car radio whenever we went somewhere, or my sister’s alarm clock radio, or the family stereo. All I know is that the music bug finally bit me in late 1977-early 1978, and that’s when the obsession started. Hardly a day goes by where I’m not listening to it in some shape or form.

Radio has a very fascinating and often heartbreaking history. I’ve lost count of how many stations seen as ‘groundbreaking’ and highly beloved by its listeners end up getting swallowed by corporate ownership and turned into Yet Another Soulless iHeartRadio Station. It’s a media format that had advertising baked in as its sole moneymaker since its beginnings, and it’s a format that chose not to evolve for decades, perhaps to its own detriment. The internet upset all of that, first with its streaming and downloading and then with its digital broadcasting formats like SiriusXM — which started out embracing freeform but soon relied on music rotation programming to remain relevant to the high number of passive listeners.

Still — I do see that there’s newer generations of radio stations, both digital and terrestrial, who are not so much bringing back the old days of freeform but creating their own iterations of it. College radio isn’t just about alternative rock anymore but all kinds of music styles. Stations like KEXP are commercial-free and rely on listener contributions like most public stations have always done. [And they’re doing so well that they bought the 92.7 signal here in San Francisco, where they have a strong listenership thanks to their online streaming and excellent programming.]

To me, I feel a lot of station owners don’t understand that they’re an entertainment and a service to its listeners and its communities, and not something that can — or should — be seen simply as a business venture for making money. The entertainment field was never really built to survive like that, not without major sacrifice in one way or another. Radio stations come and go in one way or another, but the sad fact remains that several of them end up going the same way: forced programming change enforced by the corporate level to please the shareholders.

But here’s the thing. Several stations lose listenership not because listeners grow out of it; they lose it because they play that same fucking Red Hot Chili Peppers song from ten years and four albums ago Every Single Fucking Day. Listeners get bored with strict programming and give up on the station. Overreliance on algorithm programming nearly ALWAYS brings out listener boredom. I’ve seen it several times with several stations over several years. Believe me, I’ve witnessed the downfall of a LOT of stations I loved because of exactly this.

Sure, we like our favorite songs and sometimes we’re fine with hearing them a lot…but come on. I’ve heard That Same Fucking Red Hot Chili Peppers Song From Ten Years Ago on your playlist for the last six years straight. Why are you not playing something from one of their newer albums and making that song the next track to enter heavy rotation? That’s how it’s supposed to work! Y’all are stuck on the same three albums and haven’t bothered to change for decades.

*AHEM*

Anyway.

Happy National Radio Day, y’all. For those of us looking for something new and exciting to listen to, it’s out there if you’re willing to search for it. You might need to stream it online, but do whatever you need to do to keep radio alive.

Isolation

No, not the John Lennon solo track (though I do quite like it, and definitely the cover of it that Sponge did back in ’95). I’m talking about isolated tracks. It’s something that pops up on my YouTube searches of Beatles-related things, and it’s always fun to listen to them. I’m not entirely sure what these posters use to separate the tracks, but I love that even a seasoned fan like myself will hear something new and amazing every time I play one.

For instance, this video of “Oh! Darling” features a vocals-only track that really pushes up Paul’s throat-shredded singing, as well as the slight slap-back echo they’d used for it to give it that 50s feel.

This video of “Helter Skelter” is interesting as well, including a section where you can distinctly hear the guitar going waaaay out of tune as the song progresses from all the hammering it’s getting.

…or this one of “I Want You (She’s So Heavy)” that reveals just how truly bluesy this song is.

…or just how goldang funky “Hey Bulldog” is.

There’s even video out there of songs from the rooftop concert, like “Dig a Pony”!

But this one is by far my favorite: the isolated strings and horns for “I Am the Walrus”. If anything, you should give this one a listen just to show how amazingly creative George Martin was as an arranger. The swoops and intricate phrases that you might not notice in the original are front ant center.