So here we were, finishing up the last month of 1993, putting to bed whatever my life had been over the last several years, but having no idea what to do next. Or rather, kinda sorta knowing, but having little to no ability to reach for it and being extremely aware that I could be easily distracted and influenced? Yes, I was well aware of the mental and emotional issues I had at the time, and yet I felt I had to function with them regardless, having very few available spoons to figure them out and make them retreat.
Still — on those quieter days and evenings where I sat down at my table and played around with a possible new universe to write in, that’s when I was most at peace with myself. That was what I wanted to do, and I would need to learn how to harness it, keep it in mind and keep it alive.
Distractions and all.
Ramones, Acid Eaters, released 1 December 1993. This was a bit of an odd detour for the band, who’d decided to release an album full of garage band influences. It didn’t get much positive attention but regardless, it’s got some really fun covers on it.
Underworld, dubnobasswithmyheadman, released 1 December 1993. I remembered this band from 1988 when they came out with the synthpoppy song “Underneath the Radar”. I did not expect them to immerse themselves so deeply into the growing techno scene. They didn’t get much airplay on WFNX except on their weekend electronic show, and “Cowgirl” was a big favorite not to mention the biggest flipping earworm ever!
Cocteau Twins, Snow EP, released 1 December 1993. I wouldn’t have expected the band to record Christmas songs like this, but they’re just as light and heartfelt and enjoyable as you’d expect them to be! WFNX used to play “Frosty the Snowman” a lot as it’s the best of the two tracks and the one that closely mirrors their own style.
Mixtape, Untitled V, created December 1993. This one’s interesting in that it mirrors two different previous Untitled mixes: one from earlier in the year, full of recent purchases that reflect my changing musical tastes, and one from 1989 where I purposely made one side loud and the other one soft. Because of this it became one of my favorite mixtapes and one I’d listen to quite a bit over several years.
Enigma, The Cross of Changes, released 6 December 1993. “Return to Innocence” was the other big hit by this band and one that would get airplay everywhere, from pop to alternative stations and beyond to several movie and television soundtracks. It proved that they weren’t just a one-hit wonder with their world-meeds-techno groove.
Deep Forest, Deep Forest, released 14 December 1993. …and on the coattails of Enigma came this group, full of ambient chillwave grooves and ethnocentric samples. This was a style that would hit its apex within a few years before sliding back into obscurity, but for awhile they were just as prevalent as Enigma if not more so. “Sweet Lullaby” was a big hit for alternative and AOR radio.
*
I literally ended the year working my shift at the Coop, heading down the slushy sidewalks towards the E Line and listening to WFNX’s Top 101 of the year that started just about when I punched out. I missed maybe the first half hour of songs but made it back to the apartment to listen to the countdown and of course tape it, the first time I’d done that in years. This was also the first time I’d spent New Years’ Eve not with family, partly because of work and partly because I just wanted to see the year out on my own terms.
So what did 1994 have in store for me? Good question. Come January JA would play matchmaker whether I was ready for it or not and one of my more turbulent long-term relationships would commence. On the plus side…I’d continue writing, eventually (and finally) starting the Two Thousand project. It was slow going, but it was at least going in the right direction.
In retrospect, I see now that my dark mood during the Boston post-college years wasn’t just about being poor, directionless and frustrated…but also being acutely aware of my worst habits, tendencies and problems and having little or no way to fix them or figure them out other than through sheer fucking stubborn will. It would take another couple of years and personal events before I’d climb out of that morass and make my way into something more positive and healthy.
And also in retrospect, even though a lot of what came out in 1993 is inexorably tied with those moods, I can listen to a lot of this now and accept that there were some really great records that became not just personal favorites but major influences in my life and my writing.
So all in all…1993 wasn’t all that bad. It just kind of sucked in certain ways. But I survived, and that’s what matters most.