Category Archives: personal

Thirty Years On: Slacker Central, Part I

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Going back another decade to 1993 this time? Sure, why not? It’s an era of my past that I’ve kind of glossed over for varying and personal reasons, so maybe it’s time to take a look at some of the records that kept me going at the time.

To set the mood: it was my second and last semester of my senior year at Emerson, and I was exactly where I didn’t want or need to be at. I’d just moved out — more like ragequitted — the apartment I’d lived in for a year and change after having had enough of my then roommate. Moving back to the dorms, I realized I’d lost track of several of my college friends out of my own doing, and was now hanging with several kids younger than me and feeling left behind. My grades were still less than stellar, I had no real idea what my future would be, and the last thing I wanted to do was move back to my hometown.

So yeah, I was pretty much starting from rock bottom here.

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The Wedding Present, The Hit Parade 2, released 4 January 1993. In 1992 this British band chose to drop a single a month — an original on the A side and a cover on the reverse — and it was the covers (such as a desperate version of Julee Cruise’s “Falling” and a blistering “Pleasant Valley Sunday”) that caught my attention.

Belly, “Feed the Tree” single, released 11 January 1993. After leaving Throwing Muses, Tanya Donelly surfaced a short time later with her own band that was immediately loved by everyone in the Boston area. She’d always written the less abrasive Muses tracks but never quite got rid of the classic Muses quirkiness, and it shows here.

Stereo MCs, Connected, released 12 January 1993. “Connected” (the single) was everywhere at the time, both on alt-rock and dance stations alike. I used to play this on my show on WECB and cranked the song up loud every time. It’s a really fun dance record worth checking out.

Denis Leary, No Cure for Cancer, released 12 January 1993. I know, this is a comedy record and not alt-rock, but I put it here because a) he’s a fellow Emersonian and b) he’s also a kid from central Massachusetts like me. A lot of the humor here is definitely of its time — irreverent GenX ‘fuck it, let’s go there and a bit beyond because why the hell not’ humor that’s equally ironic, biting, and daring, but you always knew there was an unspoken level of not quite being mean-spirited.

The Tragically Hip, Fully Completely, released 19 January 1993. This was the record that introduced me to this band, and it’s a hell of a fine album. I played at least three or four tracks from this record on my WECB show at the time.

Elvis Costello & the Brodsky Quartet, The Juliet Letters, released 19 January 1993. You never quite knew what EC was going to do next back in the day, his styles changing wildly from album to album. This is probably the first classical album where I finally understood what modern orchestral music was about, and that it could work seamlessly in a semi-pop way.

The The, Dusk, released 26 January 1993. Matt Johnson always took his time between albums, often two or three years at a time, and while his previous record dropped just as I was starting college, this one was released just as I was ending it. While not as angry as 1989’s Mind Bomb, it’s just as tense. This one’s about inner pain, and it shows on many of its tracks.

Duran Duran, “Ordinary World” single, released 26 January 1993. Ooof. If there was any song that encapsulated where my mental and emotional state was at this time, this was pretty much it. My long-term/long-distance relationship with T finally at its end, my less than stellar school years limping to a close, my social connections in the crapper, and my future nowhere to be found, this song saved me from falling any deeper with its constant reminder to keep going.

Jesus Jones, Perverse, released 26 January 1993. Understandably this record didn’t quite reach the dizzying heights of 1991’s Doubt, and by the time of its release, the alt-rock universe had moved on to more organic grunge rock, but this remains one of the band’s best records in my eyes. It’s a much darker and denser record and features some of their best singles and deep cuts. I highly recommend it.

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…so yeah, not the most spirited of beginnings of what is supposed to be an important year, yeah? But even though I was lost, hurting and feeling rudderless, I knew I had to keep going. By this time I’d realized that I could still use what I’d learned at this college, but in different ways: my film degree helped me understand how to write and tell stories. My connections with college radio may not have gotten me into that business but it certainly helped me continue my long-lasting love for music, as well as my constant drive to find new things to listen to.

I knew I was starting at the bottom and there was no way to go but up…and I also knew I was going to fuck up a lot along the way (and believe me, I did several times)…and ultimately I was the only one who was going to make me do it.

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More to come: songs to keep me going, and an album that blew everything else out of the water!

Twenty Years On: Songs from the Belfry 2003, Part X

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I finished The Persistence of Memories in one marathon session on 11 November, having realized I’d started it exactly one year earlier. That’s not something I normally do, but considering that it had been my first novel to be finished in under one year I wanted to see if I could pull it off. It was Veterans Day and I had the day off from work, and if I’m not mistaken it was an extremely lengthy six-hour session (my longest ever to date, with the occasional break for food and whatnot, as well as a few FreeCell games to keep my eyes from crossing).

Thankfully, clearer heads won the day and I didn’t start Book 3 until early January 2004!

Lamb, Between Darkness and Wonder, released 3 November 2003. This duo’s last album before going on an extended hiatus (and not returning until 2011) is a quiet and somber affair, more about contemplation and comfort than their previous experimentations in electronic pop.

P.O.D., Payable On Death, released 4 November 2003. Their follow-up to their mega-selling Satellite may not have been able to reach the same heights, but it certainly had its share of great alt-metal tunes.

Guided By Voices, The Best of Guided By Voices: Human Amusements at Hourly Rates, released 4 November 2003. I’d known about this band for ages thanks to my HMV years but never got around to picking any of their albums up, primarily because they seem to drop four or five records a year! I figured this was a good place to start. And yes, there were a few “oh, that song!” moments upon first listen.

Explosions in the Sky, The Earth Is Not a Cold Dead Place, released 4 November 2003. Another post-rock band to add to my collection, this one got some considerable play during my writing sessions when I needed background but not necessarily mood.

Loveless, Gift to the World, released 11 November 2003. A Boston group comprised of singer Jen Trynin and members of Expanding Man and Letters to Cleo, their one album is full of crunchy fun indie pop.

Mixtape, Re:Defined 07, created 16 November 2003. This is an interesting one as it’s more of a ‘favorites so far that didn’t make it to previous mixes’ tape than one of new songs. Still, it’s another one of my favorites.

The Beatles, Let It Be…Naked, released 17 November 2003. An interesting compilation that kind of flew under the wire, it’s pretty much all the major songs from the 1970 original minus most of Phil Spector’s, er, mishandling by overproduction. Mostly released for completists like myself, it also contains a twenty-minute bonus track of chat and soundbites from the sessions.

Blink-182, Blink-182, released 18 November 2003. The meathead-punk band of the 90s seems to have chilled out a bit on this record, writing some surprisingly intelligent and straightforward tracks, a few of which have become radio favorites.

Various Artists, Feedback to the Future, released 25 November 2003. A single-disc collection of shoegaze and Britpop I discovered on the pages of CMJ and had Newbury Comics special order for me. This is only a small sampling but it’s a great mix nonetheless. This one got a lot of play in the Belfry.

+/- (Plus Minus), You Are Here, relesased 25 November 2003. The band follows up their fantastic EP with a full record of twitchy indie rock that’s kind of hard to pin down into one style yet worth multiple listens.

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Next up: End of the year releases and mixtapes!

Twenty Years On: Songs from the Belfry 2003, Part IV

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Sometimes you get that feeling that things are on the verge of change whether you want it to come or not. Just little inconsequential things that signify the end of something, like an afternoon anime series that stops getting played on Cartoon Network, or a coworker leaving or getting fired…or simply that you notice there’s a wide-open road ahead for you to travel on, but you’re not sure if you’re quite ready to take it just yet. I think I was heading in this direction as it was, having thought a lot (almost obsessively) about my future as a writer, as well as knowing it was time for me to move on emotionally from the stagnancy I’d found myself in. I wasn’t quite sure where I wanted to go, but I was well aware that I had the ability. It was just up to me to take that step.

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Brian Vander Ark, Resurrection, released 1 May 2003. The lead singer for the Verve Pipe brought his spectacular songwriting chops into a solo side career while his band was on hiatus, and it’s a lovely record full of gorgeous songs.

Blur, Think Tank, released 5 May 2003. A last gasp for the band before going on an extended hiatus, this one was recorded after guitarist Graham Coxon’s departure. It’s a bit disjointed and strange, as if Damon Albarn’s huge success with Gorillaz kind of took him off his game, but it’s still listenable and has some wonderfully odd songs on it.

Dead Can Dance, Wake, released 5 May 2003. A two-disc retrospective that essentially takes the best of their box set from two years previous, making it more digestible. I’d been a fan of this band since the late 80s so this was of course recommended listening during the writing sessions.

The Dandy Warhols, Welcome to the Monkey House, released 5 May 2003. Though not as enjoyable as their previous album Thirteen Tales of Urban Bohemia from 2000, it nonetheless contained some of their most memorable singles.

Wire, Send, released 6 May 2003. The highly inventive and influential band that defined post-punk (and pretty much owned the music journalist word ‘angular’) had returned in 2000 to play a series of live shows that were so successful they chose to write and record new songs. This ‘third wave’ (if you count the ‘Wir’ project as part of the 80s-90s wave two) is more of a hybrid of their choppy 70s punk albums and their melodic 80s records, and they’ve been recording ever since.

Tricky, Vulnerable, released 19 May 2003. At this point Tricky entered my list of ‘I will buy anything they release’ musicians. This album is true to its name, with the trip-hop gloom stripped back to reveal several quiet and delicate songs.

Deftones, Deftones, released 20 May 2003. There’s something about hearing a song at the right time and in the right place that makes it resonate with me, and hearing “Minerva” on the radio during a break at the day job on a warm and sunny spring day made this band click with me all of a sudden. I really got into this album for its mix of heaviness and tight songwriting as well as its fascinating experimentation.

Tipper, Surrounded, released 20 May 2003. One of the first records to be mixed in 5.1 surround sound, this is an album for listening even if you don’t have the technology to hear it as intended. It’s full of fascinating dreamlike soundscapes that you can easily get lost in. The closing track “Illabye” became one of my favorite tracks of the year.

The Thorns, The Thorns, released 20 May 2003. A project featuring Matthew Sweet, Pete Droge and Shawn Mullins, this album is just as creatively melodic as you’d expect, and just about as Crosby Stills & Nash as you can get without actually being them. The single “I Can’t Remember” is pure alternafolk bliss.

Mogwai, Happy Songs for Happy People, released 21 May 2003. This month’s ‘I know of them and like them but don’t own anything’ band is the one that finally got me to start buying their albums and singles. I’d see them later in 2004 as one of the many bands in the Curiosa festival.

Mixtape, Re:Defined 03, created 25 May 2003. I remember listening to this one quite a bit at the time during my commutes to and from the Yankee Candle warehouse in Deerfield. The trip was exactly thirty miles and took about forty minutes or so, so I could listen to a complete side each way. [Note: I remembered just now where I got the title for this series from — the song “In the Warmth of Meanings Redefined” by Kimone, which shows up on the Re:Defined 01 mixtape. So now you know!]

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Coming soon: summer is around the corner meaning more road trips, more car listening and more spending money at bookstores and record stores!

Twenty Years On: Songs from the Belfry 2003, Part II

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March of 2003 was…interesting, to say the least. On a personal front, the day job had become considerably busier due to Yankee Candle’s new deal with Bed, Bath & Beyond…while the post-Christmas months had quieted down, the volume was still more than before. But on a more serious note…the Bush II administration had chosen to go ahead with its invasion of Iraq, upselling the ‘they have weapons of mass destruction’ message as far as it could go. Those who believed in it (mainly conservatives) leaned heavy on the American Patriotism to the point of absurdity (anyone remember freedom fries?), while those opposed to it (mainly…well, a lot of people, not just liberals) protested loudly and repeatedly.

I suppose this might be part of the irritation I felt and inserted into The Balance of Light. That novel contained a lot of tension between sides that refused to acknowledge the other; the war didn’t make sense to me, and that became Denni’s focus in the third book: Why the hells are we fighting? What are we trying to achieve by it? It also became Alec Poe’s as well: This makes no sense, and it will all end in destruction. I refuse to be a part of it.

Evanescence, Fallen, released 4 March 2003. “Bring Me to Life” was everywhere that spring, having also been in a key scene in the Ben Affleck’s movie version of Daredevil. I could have easily filed this away on the alt-metal/hard rock bandwagon that was becoming rather crowded at the time, but this one stood out with some really great songwriting and production.

The Ataris, So Long, Astoria, released 4 March 2003. I was never the biggest fan of emo, but I was drawn to this band’s amazing cover of Don Henley’s “The Boys of Summer” — quite possibly my all-time favorite cover version at that. [Bonus points for updating the bumper sticker lyric to ‘Black Flag’, heh.] I found myself listening to this one a lot during my writing sessions when I needed a good punchy soundtrack for some heavy action scenes.

The New Folk Implosion, The New Folk Implosion, released 4 March 2003. This iteration of Lou Barlow’s band is far moodier and robust than his previous versions, which drew me to it. The epic “Releast” is my favorite off the album and ended up on a few mixtapes that year.

Kelli Ali, Tigermouth, released 4 March 2003. The former Sneaker Pimps singer’s first solo album is a luscious trip-hoppy chill-out record and a perfect album for writing sessions. “Sunlight in the Rain” is one of my favorite tracks of this particular year.

Cave In, Antenna, released 18 March 2003. This New England band started out as hardcore metal but could also write some wonderfully melodic alt-rock. This was one of my favorite albums of the year and was one of the most played cds during writing sessions!

Longwave, The Strangest Things, released 18 March 2003. This too got a lot of Belfry play with its hybrid of indie emo and shoegazey riffs. Not as loud as most similar bands of the time, and definitely far more adventurous.

Zach de la Rocha & DJ Shadow, “March of Death” single, released 21 March 2003. The invasion of Iraq was not a popular move in the US, and several musicians let it be known how pissed off they were, many uploading songs for free online in protest.

Placebo, Sleeping with Ghosts, released 24 March 2003. In my opinion this is their best album ever, full of tight and driving melodies from start to finish. This was also one of my top favorite albums of the year.

Linkin Park, Meteora, released 25 March 2003. I kinda sorta liked the band at the time, but not enough to go out of my way to buy their first album…until I’d heard several of the singles off this one and realized what I was missing. This is an absolutely stellar record worth having in your collection, especially the new twentieth anniversary edition that just came out earlier this month.

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Coming up: more indie rock goodness, mixtapes and bands whose future started here.

Albums I Haven’t Played in Ages: The Downward Spiral

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KEXP played Nine Inch Nails’ “March of the Pigs” earlier today and it occurred to me that I have not listened to The Downward Spiral in ages. Which is surprising, considering I used to play the hell out of my taped copy (and later the cd) of it in the mid-90s during my last couple of years in Boston. It was even part of my Belfry writing session playlist for a significant time. I’m sure the main reason I’ve been avoiding it is that it reminds me a little too much of a not-so-happy time in my life. Very broke, very depressed, and very desperate.

I mean, “Closer” was everywhere on MTV and the alternative radio stations for months after it came out. [And I’m 99% sure it was because us Gen Xers were proud of the fact we could get a song with “I want to f*** you like an animal” as a lyric on commercial radio. When in doubt and you want to shock, might as well go all the way, right?] Mind you, it’s actually a step back from NIN’s previous EPs from 1992 (Broken and Fixed), though not by much. All three were extremely nihilistic and pissed off, but Downward Spiral seemed to step back just a little bit from the brink to be just this side of listenable.

I remember having a conversation with my then-girlfriend (the one I co-wrote True Faith with) about this album, how deliberate its production and construction was. It started with unbridled anger and violence with “Mr. Self Destruct” and only going…well, downard from there. The album does have a sense of resolution by its finish, however dire. By the self-titled song (the next to last track) the main focus is desperation and nihilism laid bare…followed by the damaged ascendance of “Hurt” as its final track. We’re not sure if the main character (so to speak) has reached the point of suicide or relief — or both — but it’s certain that the pain has finally gone away, one way or another.

I never got around to seeing Nine Inch Nails live except that one time, back in late 1989 when I won tickets to see them on Landsdowne Street in Boston, before their fame skyrocketed to arenas and music festivals. But by the mid-90s I was far too broke to go see any bands other than the free shows on the Hatch Shell anyway, so I made do with the music I could get cheaply. I followed the band’s progress through the years as I could, but I don’t think I quite connected with them as closely as I did with Pretty Hate Machine and The Downward Spiral.

I don’t remember the last time I actively gave this album a full spin, to tell the truth. I remember playing it in the stock room at HMV and in the Belfry when I was deep in writing The Phoenix Effect, but I rarely played it after that. It just struck a little too close to home.

I keep meaning to give it another play one of these days, now that time and age have intervened and the traumas of those years has faded, no longer equating those songs with personal and emotional hells. I can appreciate it as a fan and a listener and audiophile and not just a low chapter in my life.

Waking up early the next few days…

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The head bookkeeper is going on a well-earned two week vacation, which means my work schedule in his place will have me waking up before the dawn and getting me out by early afternoon. I do this on Fridays and Saturdays anyway so I’m used to it, but doing so for an entire week, five days in a row, is going to be tough. Still…I’ve done it before and I love this kind of schedule anyway, so I can’t complain.

Just saying that my music posts might be a bit loopy this next week or so if I’m a bit overtired, is all!

Meanwhile…

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The PC has been fixed and updated (yay!) but in the meantime I’ve fallen a little behind in my writing (boo!) so I’ve been frantically trying to catch up (blerg!). Doing what I can when I can, though, and making sure I don’t stress out over it all. And I’m not stressed! Which is good, right? Even when I’m trying to squeeze some words out before or after a busy shift at the Day Job?

Anyway. Been listening to a lot of new tunes lately, such as the new boygenius record (fittingly entitled ‘the record’), and it’s quite good! It’s been getting a lot of positive press and high-grade reviews. And let’s be honest, a group with Lucy Dacus, Phoebe Bridgers and Julien Baker in it has no business being half-assed now. Three phenomenal songwriters writing flawless alternapop. I highly recommend it.

Computer Woes

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WELP. Looks like the PC in Spare Oom has gotten to the point where I need to a factory reset. I probably needed to do it anyway as it’s been acting up in various ways over the last several months. Nothing big…until now. Previously the internet would disconnect, or I’d suddenly be super low on memory, but lately weird things have been happening like one single program eating up 98% of the CPU usage, or File Explorer seriously lagging.

I mean, it could very well be that a recent update got hosed (such as a driver download crashing due to said internet disconnect) or I somehow acquired some malware somewhere along the line. Mind you, other than the odd problems, everything ran totally fine once I ran a few cleaning apps. Until it happened again.

So anyways, this means that yesterday afternoon I decided to do take the plunge and do that factory reset after all. I’m not too worried about it, considering that this is the very first time I’ve done it for this PC in the three (four?) years I’ve had it. Having problems at this PC’s age is rather impressive, actually.

Which sadly means that I’ve given you this boring post instead of something about music! Oh well. Hopefully things will be back to normal soon!

fly-by: brb, glitch in the matrix

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Sorry for the lack of quality entries this week! Meant to get something up here today but my PC had an update that didn’t update correctly and it’s causing everything to be kind of wonky. Going to run some diagnostics and turn the unit off while I go to work today to give it a rest. Hopefully it’ll be back to normal this evening.

Let’s try this again next week, shall we?