I need to revisit 80s 4AD again…

…it’s been far too long since I’ve sat down and let myself get lost in this stuff. I mean, considering I’ve been working on reviving the Walk in Silence book, I think it’s fair to say that a lot of these albums were a huge influence on my high school years, and would fit nicely with the current iteration of this project.

I always call this era of the label’s output autumnal, because a lot of it, at least for me, evokes the feeling of an impending change of seasons near the end of the year. The air growing colder, the sounds of nature growing quieter, the sky greyer. Many of these albums — most of which I had on cassette and played incessantly at night as I went to sleep — might not always invoke a darkness, but more of a sense of desolation and breakdown, and even abandonment at times. You can hear the dust being kicked up as you walk through the wide emptiness of this music.

That, now that I understand music a lot more, was the key to 4AD’s signature sound then. A clever mix of heavy reverberation with sparse instrumentation gives it that same sound that Cowboy Junkies achieved with The Trinity Session when they recorded inside an empty church. Listening to these albums with my Walkman, volume set high and bedroom darkened, I entered another world, sometimes an escape but often times a safe place. I could let my mind and creativity get lost within the music, letting it take me on a metaphysical trip somewhere.

The collection Lonely Is an Eyesore is a great place to start. I listened to this one just a few days ago. Several of its accompanying grainy 8mm and 16mm videos were shown on MTV’s 120 Minutes, which in turn inspired me later on during my college years for my film production classes.

This Mortal Coil was a huge favorite of mine, especially after hearing a few tracks from their second album Filigree & Shadow on college radio in late 1986. That particular album was one of my top favorites in 1987-88 and inspired a lot of story ideas.

Dead Can Dance was a band I’d heard of in passing but it was 1987’s Within the Realm of a Dying Sun that became my all-time favorite of theirs. Not quite chamber music, not quite alternative rock, not quite current orchestral music, this album wasn’t just one that I’d lose myself in at night, it helped me find a Zen calm right when I was at my most anxious.

Cocteau Twins was of course a major influence on my bass playing, thanks to the Blue Bell Knoll album. By late 1988 I had a good portion of their discography on cassette (and a few on vinyl) and I was constantly listening to it. The twin 1985 EPs, Tiny Dynamine and Echoes in a Shallow Bay, remain in heavy rotation after all these years alongside their project with Harold Budd, The Moon and the Melodies.

And of course, let’s not forget the surprise hit by MARRS, a one-off project between 4AD label mates Colourbox and AR Kane. While this one goes against the grain of the typical autumnal sound of the label, it’s so damn catchy and inventive that you can’t help but love it.

Fly-by: Some Days I Drink My Coffee By the Grave of William Blake

Did a lot of catching up this week of things I let slide last week…and alas, I ran out of time to write a post here for Thursday! Not worried, though. Some days are like that.

In the meantime, the new (and very long-awaited) non-soundtrack album by The The is an interestingly somber affair; it feels like Matt Johnson chose the theme of coming to terms with mortality for this. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it, but I’m definitely loving it.

Days and Days

Today I’m thinking it’s time for me to get my brain back on track in terms of what day of the week it is.

Part of the issue is my Day Job schedule. The schedule itself is not the problem per se, it’s that it’s allowed me to lose track of my sense of time. I rarely work Sundays but I’ll often have a midweek day off, so the work week will be Monday-Tuesday-Thursday-Friday-Saturday with some of the hours varying, just for example.

There were also other personal reasons why I let a lot of that fall by the wayside, and I allowed it on purpose: when you’ve got IRL things going on, sometimes it’s best not to adhere to a strict schedule and just take it day by day. Which is what I’ve been doing for a while now.

Thing is, I’ve been doing that for a little longer than necessary. [And yes, it’s included hitting all the new music releases on Friday, which is why I’m posting it here. One byproduct of passively letting the days go by is that I lose focus on the new music I’ve been enjoying. And I’ve already blogged about that.]

So what to do about it?

One thing I need to do is follow my whiteboard schedule more often. Right now it’s more of a suggestion than an assignment board, and that’s by design, but I feel like I’m ready to take on those assignments again. And these are simple enough: daily words at 750words.com, update one of the blogs, and get some considerable work done on my main project (which at this time is Theadia). I’m not asking for much. I’m just looking to get moving again.

What will come of this? Who knows? They’re not Best Laid Plans heading straight for a crash and burn. It’s simply a tighter and more regular regimen, that’s all. And hopefully that will help me remember what day of the goldang week it is again!

It’s National Radio Day!

I don’t even remember when I started paying attention to the radio. It might have been my dad listening to classical or jazz on NPR, or us listening to pop on the car radio whenever we went somewhere, or my sister’s alarm clock radio, or the family stereo. All I know is that the music bug finally bit me in late 1977-early 1978, and that’s when the obsession started. Hardly a day goes by where I’m not listening to it in some shape or form.

Radio has a very fascinating and often heartbreaking history. I’ve lost count of how many stations seen as ‘groundbreaking’ and highly beloved by its listeners end up getting swallowed by corporate ownership and turned into Yet Another Soulless iHeartRadio Station. It’s a media format that had advertising baked in as its sole moneymaker since its beginnings, and it’s a format that chose not to evolve for decades, perhaps to its own detriment. The internet upset all of that, first with its streaming and downloading and then with its digital broadcasting formats like SiriusXM — which started out embracing freeform but soon relied on music rotation programming to remain relevant to the high number of passive listeners.

Still — I do see that there’s newer generations of radio stations, both digital and terrestrial, who are not so much bringing back the old days of freeform but creating their own iterations of it. College radio isn’t just about alternative rock anymore but all kinds of music styles. Stations like KEXP are commercial-free and rely on listener contributions like most public stations have always done. [And they’re doing so well that they bought the 92.7 signal here in San Francisco, where they have a strong listenership thanks to their online streaming and excellent programming.]

To me, I feel a lot of station owners don’t understand that they’re an entertainment and a service to its listeners and its communities, and not something that can — or should — be seen simply as a business venture for making money. The entertainment field was never really built to survive like that, not without major sacrifice in one way or another. Radio stations come and go in one way or another, but the sad fact remains that several of them end up going the same way: forced programming change enforced by the corporate level to please the shareholders.

But here’s the thing. Several stations lose listenership not because listeners grow out of it; they lose it because they play that same fucking Red Hot Chili Peppers song from ten years and four albums ago Every Single Fucking Day. Listeners get bored with strict programming and give up on the station. Overreliance on algorithm programming nearly ALWAYS brings out listener boredom. I’ve seen it several times with several stations over several years. Believe me, I’ve witnessed the downfall of a LOT of stations I loved because of exactly this.

Sure, we like our favorite songs and sometimes we’re fine with hearing them a lot…but come on. I’ve heard That Same Fucking Red Hot Chili Peppers Song From Ten Years Ago on your playlist for the last six years straight. Why are you not playing something from one of their newer albums and making that song the next track to enter heavy rotation? That’s how it’s supposed to work! Y’all are stuck on the same three albums and haven’t bothered to change for decades.

*AHEM*

Anyway.

Happy National Radio Day, y’all. For those of us looking for something new and exciting to listen to, it’s out there if you’re willing to search for it. You might need to stream it online, but do whatever you need to do to keep radio alive.

Lazy

One weird downside to living in the Bay Area in the summer, specifically on the west side of San Francisco, is that it’s often overcast, highly humid and stuck somewhere in the mid-50s — and there’s also a high chance of various allergens floating in the air to give me a migraine. All this adds up to me feeling sleepy and lazy most days.

So yeah, that’s my excuse for not being entirely on point with my writing, journaling and blogging recently.

Hopefully I’ll have my head together a bit more next week.

When I think about the pandemic…

…I often think about this particular song by The Clockworks, which remains one of my top favorite songs of the last five years.

Why does this song remind me of the pandemic? Actually it’s the video.

There’s a day-end drone shot of the Bay Bridge here in San Francisco at around the 2:20 mark (and again at 3:05) that brings up the memory of my thirty-mile commute to and from Concord in the East Bay, and whenever I see it in this video, I wonder if my car is somewhere in that shot, heading westward into the city at the end of yet another hellish day. Even though the band released this track in late 2021, at least a year after I’d quit that particular job, the song perfectly encapsulates what that job had been doing to me over the last decade.

This was also around the time I’d been listening to KEXP almost religiously at this point, already an Amplifier (I still donate to them on a monthly basis!), and this track had gotten some major airplay, and I don’t blame them for putting it on heavy rotation as it’s still a hell of a banger. That station got me through a hell of a lot over the last five or so years.

It’s been over four years since I left that job in March 2020 (and I’m still glad I did), and a few years since the peak of that particular pandemic wave (and I’m still wearing a mask to work and still Covid-free) (knock on wood), so this song definitely emulates a feeling of weariness and uneasiness for me, reminding me that none of us really know what the hell was going on at the time, or how long it would last.

All you do to me is talk talk

When every choice that I make is yours
Keep telling me what’s right and what’s wrong
Don’t you ever stop to think about me?
I’m not that blind to see that you’ve been cheating on me

Every now and again I think about this song, especially during tense political climates. Sure, it’s a song about a failing relationship, but sometimes you can read lyrics different ways. Sometimes this particular lyric pops into my head whenever I hear conservatives go on about how much they know what I need. Despite never asking ahead of time for my input.

Which is why I’ve stopped listening to that party quite some time ago.

[And as an aside, I absolutely love the piano work on this track. One of my all-time favorites.]

Save Our Souls

I’ve decided I no longer want to be a doomsayer on socials. I want to be an island of calm for others instead. Someone needs to be the rock, yeah? I’ve been told I’m kinda good at that. — Me, on Threads, 2 July

I’ve said it so many times before, I rarely speak about political things on social media these days because I’m only just another voice getting lost in all the other white noise out there. I still get upset about all the current hateful and spiteful and deadly bullshit just like everyone else, but I’ve also already come to the conclusion that my strength is not in speaking up and speaking out, ironically enough. I might be good at telling a story, but I’m terrible at shouting from the rooftops. It’s something I’m trying to work through, though.

Maybe it’s that I’m a jaded Gen-Xer who’s lived through the 70s, 80s and 90s and Seen Shit? Or maybe it’s that I now know that reacting emotionally to every goddamn terrible event over the years has only given me high blood pressure and anxiety? That’s not to say I’m giving up or choosing a life of ignorant bliss, far from it.

I’ve just come to the conclusion that I need to play a different game with my own rules. If I can’t be a Voice, I can certainly be a Rock. Recently at the Day Job a coworker told me that I was the most Got Their Shit Together person they’d ever met, and that kind of threw me for a loop, considering the drama and anxiety and depression and stress I’d felt in the past. And I’ve come to realize that maybe I should use that as an advantage.

I’m definitely no white knight, that’s for sure. I’m just someone to connect with when you need to detox and a reminder that there is still goodness out there underneath everything else. That’s all I know how to offer, and I hope it can help if you need it.

I repeat myself when under stress

The other day I ended a 391-day run of using the 750Words site, as I finally came to the conclusion that I was definitely repeating myself at that point. I’d run out of things to write about. It had become more about writing things than writing about things and that was getting very boring indeed. And to be honest, I was really missing writing entries for my blogs! I’m back to my normal schedule here once more.

But anyway! The other half of that title: stress. I’ve been thinking about what has been stressing me out lately at the Day Job, and I’ve come to the conclusion that a lot of it really is petty irritation. Dumb things that I probably really shouldn’t get all bent out of shape over. Maybe that one coworker who’s reacting differently (and indifferently) to a huge wave of customers has the right idea, taking it one at a time? Maybe my expectations are too high? That’s a product of the Former Day Job and maybe a sprinkling of one of the managers here, so maybe I just need to reel it back a bit. It’s only eight hours, and the volume definitely changes from day to day.

That said…what have I been listening to lately? A bit of prog rock, it seems. I haven’t listened to King Crimson in I don’t know how long, and for years I only owned the debut In the Court of the Crimson King, the one with the title track, “I Talk to the Wind” and “Epitaph”. Stellar record and very much a product of late 60s and early 70s prog. I’ve recently acquired many of their later works, including the early 80s Adrian Belew era that my college freshman year roommate really liked. I remember him listening to Discipline quite a bit and this memorable track popping up on the stereo.

Short hiatus time

Unfortunately I am falling behind on a lot of my writing work lately, so I’m going to be taking a few weeks off to catch up. It happens from time to time…whether it’s the Day Job sapping my energy or other non-writing things taking precedence now and again, I just run out of space on the schedule. It’s not my favorite feeling, to be honest, and sometimes I have to sacrifice things here and there. It’s not always to catch up, either…sometimes it’s just to give myself a mental and physical break to rest.

Not to worry, though. I shall be back soon!