One of the downsides to my day job is when I end up monitoring the self checkout machines. That job on its own isn’t that bad, because I’m totally fine with helping customers there. No, the issue is that it’s right next to the shared sinks and hand dryers just outside the bathrooms, and every single time someone uses those dryers, everything I hear ends up getting covered up by a half-minute of WHHHSSSSHSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH white noise. I can handle it if it happens every now and again, but when it’s going all day long, I start getting a bit twitchy.

I’ve mentioned before that I have APD. I’m definitely not hard of hearing; in fact I’ve also mentioned that I have weirdly sharp directional hearing (in which I can usually tell you almost exactly which direction a noise is coming from). The way I explain it to people is to picture yourself in a very noisy restaurant. Not only do I hear the music being played over the speakers, I hear the conversation at the table next to us, the sports bros cheering at someone’s score on the TV, other conversations elsewhere around us, all on top of you trying to have a conversation with me. I hear it all at once and all at the same volume, and I can’t always filter it to focus only on you. [You’ll often see me cupping an ear in your direction because of this.]

So when that damn hand dryer goes off, it basically blots out any other sounds that might be going on around me, whether it’s a customer asking a question, my manager calling me on the radio, the store phone ringing, or someone calling me on the intercom. I love my job, but I hate that damn hand dryer sometimes.

What can I do about it? Well, not much unfortunately. It’s less irritating and disrupting if I’m working the register, where the noises are more muted. Or if I happen to do be doing an errand on the floor or upstairs, I embrace the peace and quiet and let my brain rest for a while. And thankfully I’m not assigned the self checkouts all that often.

I have noticed that my APD has gotten a bit more irritating over the years, and I’m sure that’s because I’m just getting older and finding this amount of chaotic noise more irritating, maybe even overwhelming. Perhaps this is why I’ve loved listening to music so much over the course of my life: this is where I focus on one source of sound and little else. And because I’m focusing only on the music, it resonates with me more on an emotional and mental level that most people, I assume.

I can certainly try to focus on the voices and sounds that I need to focus on at any moment, but it can certainly be exhausting as hell sometimes.