…I often think about this particular song by The Clockworks, which remains one of my top favorite songs of the last five years.
Why does this song remind me of the pandemic? Actually it’s the video.
There’s a day-end drone shot of the Bay Bridge here in San Francisco at around the 2:20 mark (and again at 3:05) that brings up the memory of my thirty-mile commute to and from Concord in the East Bay, and whenever I see it in this video, I wonder if my car is somewhere in that shot, heading westward into the city at the end of yet another hellish day. Even though the band released this track in late 2021, at least a year after I’d quit that particular job, the song perfectly encapsulates what that job had been doing to me over the last decade.
This was also around the time I’d been listening to KEXP almost religiously at this point, already an Amplifier (I still donate to them on a monthly basis!), and this track had gotten some major airplay, and I don’t blame them for putting it on heavy rotation as it’s still a hell of a banger. That station got me through a hell of a lot over the last five or so years.
It’s been over four years since I left that job in March 2020 (and I’m still glad I did), and a few years since the peak of that particular pandemic wave (and I’m still wearing a mask to work and still Covid-free) (knock on wood), so this song definitely emulates a feeling of weariness and uneasiness for me, reminding me that none of us really know what the hell was going on at the time, or how long it would last.
When every choice that I make is yours Keep telling me what’s right and what’s wrong Don’t you ever stop to think about me? I’m not that blind to see that you’ve been cheating on me
Every now and again I think about this song, especially during tense political climates. Sure, it’s a song about a failing relationship, but sometimes you can read lyrics different ways. Sometimes this particular lyric pops into my head whenever I hear conservatives go on about how much they know what I need. Despite never asking ahead of time for my input.
Which is why I’ve stopped listening to that party quite some time ago.
[And as an aside, I absolutely love the piano work on this track. One of my all-time favorites.]
I’ve decided I no longer want to be a doomsayer on socials. I want to be an island of calm for others instead. Someone needs to be the rock, yeah? I’ve been told I’m kinda good at that. — Me, on Threads, 2 July
I’ve said it so many times before, I rarely speak about political things on social media these days because I’m only just another voice getting lost in all the other white noise out there. I still get upset about all the current hateful and spiteful and deadly bullshit just like everyone else, but I’ve also already come to the conclusion that my strength is not in speaking up and speaking out, ironically enough. I might be good at telling a story, but I’m terrible at shouting from the rooftops. It’s something I’m trying to work through, though.
Maybe it’s that I’m a jaded Gen-Xer who’s lived through the 70s, 80s and 90s and Seen Shit? Or maybe it’s that I now know that reacting emotionally to every goddamn terrible event over the years has only given me high blood pressure and anxiety? That’s not to say I’m giving up or choosing a life of ignorant bliss, far from it.
I’ve just come to the conclusion that I need to play a different game with my own rules. If I can’t be a Voice, I can certainly be a Rock. Recently at the Day Job a coworker told me that I was the most Got Their Shit Together person they’d ever met, and that kind of threw me for a loop, considering the drama and anxiety and depression and stress I’d felt in the past. And I’ve come to realize that maybe I should use that as an advantage.
I’m definitely no white knight, that’s for sure. I’m just someone to connect with when you need to detox and a reminder that there is still goodness out there underneath everything else. That’s all I know how to offer, and I hope it can help if you need it.
The other day I ended a 391-day run of using the 750Words site, as I finally came to the conclusion that I was definitely repeating myself at that point. I’d run out of things to write about. It had become more about writing things than writing about things and that was getting very boring indeed. And to be honest, I was really missing writing entries for my blogs! I’m back to my normal schedule here once more.
But anyway! The other half of that title: stress. I’ve been thinking about what has been stressing me out lately at the Day Job, and I’ve come to the conclusion that a lot of it really is petty irritation. Dumb things that I probably really shouldn’t get all bent out of shape over. Maybe that one coworker who’s reacting differently (and indifferently) to a huge wave of customers has the right idea, taking it one at a time? Maybe my expectations are too high? That’s a product of the Former Day Job and maybe a sprinkling of one of the managers here, so maybe I just need to reel it back a bit. It’s only eight hours, and the volume definitely changes from day to day.
That said…what have I been listening to lately? A bit of prog rock, it seems. I haven’t listened to King Crimson in I don’t know how long, and for years I only owned the debut In the Court of the Crimson King, the one with the title track, “I Talk to the Wind” and “Epitaph”. Stellar record and very much a product of late 60s and early 70s prog. I’ve recently acquired many of their later works, including the early 80s Adrian Belew era that my college freshman year roommate really liked. I remember him listening to Discipline quite a bit and this memorable track popping up on the stereo.
Unfortunately I am falling behind on a lot of my writing work lately, so I’m going to be taking a few weeks off to catch up. It happens from time to time…whether it’s the Day Job sapping my energy or other non-writing things taking precedence now and again, I just run out of space on the schedule. It’s not my favorite feeling, to be honest, and sometimes I have to sacrifice things here and there. It’s not always to catch up, either…sometimes it’s just to give myself a mental and physical break to rest.
Sorry for the lack of interesting things to blog lately, but I’ve just been super busy at the Day Job and trying to get more writing work done on Theadia. Because of that, my blog schedule for Walk in Silence might continue to be a bit askew until further notice. Stay tuned!
I was reading some random posts on Threads the other day and someone mentioned how when some people talk about ‘the 90s’ (specifically about music), a lot of what they mention really started in the 80s, like Jane’s Addiction and their amazing 1988 album Nothing’s Shocking.
To which I responded: “I always say the truly formative alt rock years were really ’84-’89. It just happened to reach wider popularity in ’91.”
Which of course made me think that I really need to get my act together and finally write and complete that Walk in Silence book project. I think at this point it would be less a historical book and more of a personal memoir in which I write about the important albums and singles that influenced and inspired me during that time. And I’ve kind of been doing a very abbreviated version of it with my daily 750Words, so perhaps I’m a bit further ahead on this than I think I am…?
It’s a lovely day and also my day off! The sun is out, the temperature’s hovering in the upper 60s, and to top it all off, the teens have been on spring break so it’s been relatively quiet at work as well. So I’m just going to kick back and relax, maybe get some writing done later this afternoon.
No, I did not stare at the sun yesterday during the eclipse. It came and went within a short amount of time and we only got a tiny partial one. I was too busy working!
Coincidentally, this particular U2 song has been on the playlist at the Day Job and every time it comes on, I’ve been wanting to listen to Pop. I know, it’s always derided as one of their worst records, but I still have a soft spot for it because it came out during my HMV years and got a lot of play during my writing sessions.
After the promotion of The Cure and the Curiosa Festival had come and gone, the next phase was about to begin: a massive reissue of their early catalog. While this may not have been all that important in the UK where they’d stayed on the Fiction label for years, in the US they’d appeared on several: the indie PVC, A&M, Sire, and eventually an extended stay (complete with minor reissues) on Elektra. This would finally bring the majority of their discography together on one label, with its original packaging.
The new reissues of their back catalog began of course with their debut album Three Imaginary Boys in late 2004. Most Americans knew most of its tracks from the US collection Boys Don’t Cry or via the import. [I’d bought the original version at Al Bum’s in Amherst probably in early 1987 and much preferred this one. It flows much better and the band’s early gloom is much more prevalent here.
The bonus disc of this reissue would of course include the singles “Boys Don’t Cry” and “Jumping Someone Else’s Train”, both post-album stand-alone singles, though surprisingly it did not contain their debut single “Killing an Arab”, though that was most likely due to its questionable source material. Still, it did contain several demos and outtakes that are quite fascinating to hear.
The next three album reissues would appear all on the same day: Seventeen Seconds, Faith and Pornography, in late spring 2005. The first two had been released at different times in the US, including as a double-disc two-fer called Happily Ever After, which I owned on cassette.
Seventeen Seconds expanded on their post-punk sound and added a pastoral feel to their sound, thanks to the melodic bass lines of new members Simon Gallup and the keyboards of Matthieu Hartley. This album definitely feels like something you’d listen to alone, on headphones, sometime around 2am. It was a huge inspiration to my writing in the late 80s and got a ton of play late at night. The extra tracks on this reissue are more focused on live recordings, some of which would show up on the cassette version of the live album Concert.
Faith, on the other hand, was a much darker affair. It too is perfect late night listening, but it leans more towards isolation and loneliness. There are two faces here: the anger and tension of songs like “Primary” and “Doubt”, and the atmospheric fog of “All Cats Are Grey” and the title track. The original cassette had included the twenty-seven minute (!!) instrumental track “Carnage Visors”, which they’d recorded for an animated film that would play before their live shows. This epic is included on this reissue, along with several studio outtakes and live tracks, as well as the non-album single “Charlotte Sometimes”.
Pornography, on the other hand…is not an easy album to listen to. Hartley had left, leaving the band as a barebones trio that only added to the album’s sparseness. They took several steps further down into the bitterly cold abyss, well past the darkness of Faith. Depression, desolation and entropy abound on this record. Is it any wonder that this was in super heavy rotation on my Walkman in the late 80s, then? While it’s not as violently dismal as, say, The Downward Spiral, it could probably be seen as its goth equivalent. Interestingly enough, its closing title track (like “Hurt”, come to think of it) hints at a sense of strained hope. This too features a lot of studio demos and live tracks.
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Are these reissues that you must have in your collection? Well, if you’re a huge fan like I am, then yes, definitely. The remastered tracks sound great, and the extras are all sorts of fun to listen to. For completists they are missing a few things here and there, such as a few single-only b-sides (which, to be fair, were easily available on the Join the Dots box set), but it’s worth checking out.
Coming Up Next: the final three reissues of the decade
Walk In Silence 