There are many different ways I could go about relearning how to listen to music that resonates with me, and I’ve been thinking that perhaps it’s to do it like I did before: one song, one resonance at a time.
My old-school style of finding writing inspiration in music used to be like this. A song that attracted my attention would then make me think okay, how can this song inspire a scene in the novel I’m writing? I haven’t done that in decades actually, but that’s how it used to work. It evolved in the 90s to ‘Belfry Soundtracks’ — the albums that would get heavy rotation during my writing sessions. They weren’t so much inspiration as they were setting moods, or simply pleasant to hear while working.
Life encroaches sometimes. I lack the time or the patience to pay attention. Or maybe the style or the genre evolves in a direction that doesn’t sing to me for a time. There are many reasons for that disconnect, and other reasons for trying to catch up afterwards.
Relearning sometimes requires unlearning. Stop focusing on the bulk of the chronology and the discography, and focus on the immediate that’s coming across. Discover something that passed me by, or be the first one in, it doesn’t matter, as long as we listen to the single song at that moment, and relate or react with the resonance. Pass it by if there’s nothing to feel, or hold onto it for a later time.
Just allow it to resonate, and that’s the most important and the most true emotional response.
It’s been a few weeks, hasn’t it? What’s been going on?
Well, aside from the PC issues (which have since been thankfully resolved), I’ve been dealing with the holiday rush at the Day Job and squeezing in my 750 Words, and taking it easy. Catching up on a few things and deciding that other things can wait until the new year.
I’ve been thinking about what I’m going to do here at Walk in Silence, because I feel it obviously needs a major change. On the one hand I’d been hyperfocusing through numerous entries about older music connected to certain parts of my past, and I’ve decided I’d rather not go that route anymore. I don’t need to post that kind of self-induced therapy anymore now, do I? But on the other hand, I’ve also been frustrated by my ‘new release posts’ which, let’s face it, are sounding a bit repetitious with not a lot of follow-through.
I’ve discovered that I’ve tied myself too closely to time management here, so to speak. I’m either talking about the personal past or talking about the immediate present. And I’m in dire need of untying myself from all of that. All of it has become less enjoyable and more…rote and uninteresting. It’s my own fault, really. I was just focusing too much on the acquiring of the music and not giving myself enough time to let it resonate with me. And that’s a problem when you acquire an album you like at the time but only vaguely remember any of the songs from it a few months down the line.
I want to change that.
You may have noticed that I haven’t posted my end-of year list here, and that’s partly due to my inability to focus on new releases much this year. Sure, I do have a few favorites from this year (the above Lucinda Chua album, YIAN, is one of my favorites of the year, and of course I’ve had the ‘last’ Beatles song “Now and Then” floating through my head since it dropped). But…do I even have a countdown? Or a mixtape, for that matter?
I don’t, but I’m going to change that come the new year. I want to stop focusing on the acquiring and return to the resonance.
Until then, see you on the flip side, same schedule as always!
I did have part of a year-end review post in the making yesterday that I was going to post today, but about halfway through writing it my PC suddenly decided that it no longer wanted to read the externals, including my music library which I’d been using to reference said blog post.
Concerned but not overly so, I tried all sorts of things to get them readable again — as well as checking them against my laptop to make sure that it wasn’t the externals that got borked (they aren’t, and I AM VERY THANKFUL ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW.). After completely wasting time that could have been used for a writing session, turned the PC off and hoped that letting it rest might help.
Aaaaand lo and behold, after restarting the PC after work today, I got a bluescreen.
As I said: well, shit.
I kept my old Lenovo PC for just this sort of thing, to be honest. [I like to joke that my family members are natural EMPs as our computer problems are rarely ever ‘oh you forgot to install this thingie’ and more ‘…good gravy, what the hell did you do to this?’ even though we hadn’t done a thing other than, y’know, use it as intended.] I just excavated it from Spare Oom closet, in hopes that it still works okay, considering it was behaving for the most part (it was just four years old and retired). We shall see where this leads.
[EDIT: Yay, it works! Boo, the USB hub I’d been using refuses to read anything! Yay, the externals work on their own! Boo, for some reason it won’t read the music library external and the film/tv external at the same time! And finally, shrug-emoji, now to wait for Lenovo to contact me about getting the new one fixed/replaced.]
In the meantime, I’d started thinking about what would happen if I had lost my music library. It is indeed ridiculously huge. But at the same time, I thought…well, this would be the end of an era, wouldn’t it? I’d be bummed, sure, but would it affect me as deeply as, say, losing my longhand writing forever? Hard to say, but maybe not? It got me thinking that maybe it’s time to pare it down and clean it up a bit. I’ve been contemplating having two versions of the collection: one that’s full and complete, and one that’s much smaller and for everyday use.
Something else to think about at the end of the year, at any rate.
Hey ho, still here, still doing revision work on Queen Ophelia’s War and taking care of Real Life stuff in the interim. I’ve been busy!
So, what’s the plan for the end of the year, you ask? The plan is to return in December with my usual year-end reviews and thoughts as always. Same as with Welcome to Bridgetown, I’ve decided that I’ll at least aim for one entry a week as a doable goal and see where we go from there. I’m not pushing myself because my day job is in retail and it’s the holiday season, and my mental and physical health come first.
Will I return to where I left off with The Belfry Years? Maybe not until the new year, and I might retool it a bit so I can feature some new music here as well. Doing The Boston Years was equally enjoyable and cathartic but ultimately took a bit too long and I’d really like to get back to posting about new things here again. I’ll have it ironed out come January.
On that note, I’ll be back soon, most likely on 5 December or thereabouts. See you then!
In the meantime, here’s a not quite finished playlist of music for Queen Ophelia’s War. It’s full of…autumnal sounding songs, and I think you might like it!
Okay, so the brand-new ‘last’ Beatles song just dropped early this morning:
Did I sleep terrible last night in anticipation of this release at 7am PT this morning? Yes, yes I did.
I’ve only heard it twice as of this post — both times on KEXP’s morning show with John Richards, of course — so I’m still trying to process it all. I’d been familiar with the grainy bootleg version for a few years now, and I had a feeling this was the song the Threetles had been working on and abandoned back in 1995.
It was one thing to be blown away by two all-new songs back then, especially with the dreamlike “Free As a Bird”, but it’s still pretty wild to be able to witness a third new song from the band that inspired and influenced me for decades, a band that had broken up a year before I was born.
So, thoughts so far: — I am now dearly hoping they play around with “Free As a Bird” and “Real Love” to make John’s voice clearer on those as well, especially the latter. I love both tracks, but the vocals on that one are extremely warbly and muddy. — Dare I say, the ending of this track sounds a bit…Radiohead-ish? I mean, it’s a very Beatle-ish ending with a melody that’s a variation of the theme but still very different. Still, those darker chords give the song, and the band, an unexpected freshness. It’s like ‘hey, we might be a 60s band, but we still mean something in the 20s.’ — Did I immediately buy the single off Amazon? Of course I did! I’ll have to give it a few further listens, as well as its b-side — a brand new stereo mix of their first official single, “Love Me Do”. –Did I also pre-order the new 1962-1966 and 1967-1970 CDs that are dropping next week? Of course I did! And yes, I will definitely do a post on those releases here when I have a moment.
…and on that note, I’m back to the writing mines. See you sometime soon!
Oh hey there! I’m going to be taking a short hiatus from the blogging to get some work done on Queen Ophelia’s War, as I’m falling behind and seriously need to get caught up. Not sure how long this will be, but hopefully not for too long. Maybe a month or so? At least until I’ve gotten myself into a better writing schedule for it.
I’m also limiting my footprint on the birdsite these days so if you want to find me online, I’ll most likely be popping up every now and again on BlueSky instead. [I have a few invite codes if anyone is not yet on there and might be interested!]
As I’ve mentioned before, I allowed myself a month to stew in anger and frustration. I was pissed off that all my plans to stay in Boston had crashed and burned in epic fashion, and that I had to completely start over. On the other hand, living at home would allow me a bit of leniency by chipping in on the family bills and errands instead of a large monthly rent-sized chunk coming out of my paycheck, which would definitely help me get out of debt. And while I might have been emotionally in a much better place than my immediate post-college years, mentally I still had a long way to go. This was the era of reading New Age books as a way to force myself to think in alternative ways, and the era of giving my creativity a bold rethink. I was obviously getting nowhere there, and it was time to send it in a different direction.
For now, though, it was time to give my head and heart a bit of a long overdue reprieve. At least for a little while. I borrowed my mom’s car and went on a lot of drives around the area, the start of a very long-standing habit of weekend roadtrips on the backroads of central Massachusetts and frequent visits to used record stores and book stores. It was time to find myself, outside of the rat race I’d fallen into.
And to figure out what my next steps would be creatively.
The Jesus and Mary Chain, Hate Rock ‘n’ Roll, released 1 September 1995. A third compilation of b-sides, standalone singles and rarities gets some minor play on WHMP, the Northampton station I’d latch onto now that I was out of range of WFNX and WBCN. The title track would get a bit of play now and again.
Seven Mary Three, American Standard, released 5 September 1995. “Cumbersome” was everywhere when it dropped; they were sort of an American countrified Nickelback in a way (no offense meant, really) with a lot of radio-ready alternative bar-band rock. This ended up a one-hit wonder for them but one that still gets play now and again.
Various Artists, Help: A Charity Project for the Children of Bosnia, released 9 September 1995. I picked this one up maybe a few days after it dropped, which is an amazing turnaround considering the songs had been recorded only four days previous! While some charity albums can be a bit of a disconnected mismatch of hits and filler, this one is solid from start to finish. Trivia: this is the first appearance of Radiohead’s “Lucky” which would show up two years later on OK Computer. I played this one a lot at the time.
Blur, The Great Escape, released 11 September 1995. I may have recently mentioned that I felt this album was a bit weak compared to their earlier work, but that’s not to say it’s not bad…just a bit light on the energy. Although there are several great songs on it like the lovely and peculiar “The Universal”.
Lenny Kravitz, Circus, released 12 September 1995. In between the ridiculously overplayed “Are You Gonna Go My Way” from the same-titled album in 1993 and the overplayed “Fly Away” from 1998’s 5 album, there was this high charting but largely forgotten fourth album with the killer single “Rock and Roll Is Dead”. It’s a bit of an angry album for him but it’s worth checking out.
Red Hot Chili Peppers, One Hot Minute, released 12 September 1995. This was also a largely forgotten album stuck in between two huge successes (1991’s Blood Sugar Sex Magik and 1999’s Californication) and during a highly unstable era for the band (musically and personally). This is the one with the light and airy “Aeroplane” and cheerful “My Friends” but it’s also got the whirling tempest of album opener “Warped”. The album is a bit of a mess but it’s still enjoyable.
Eve’s Plum, Cherry Alive, released 19 September 1995. The second and last album from this bouncy power pop band featuring Colleen Fitzpatrick (aka Vitamin C), it’s a super fun record worth checking out, just like their previous release. WHMP would play “Jesus Loves You (Not As Much As I Do)” and the title track quite often.
Son Volt, Trace, released 19 September 1995. The other half of Uncle Tupelo that didn’t join Wilco became this band that continued the excllent alt-country sound they’d perfected in their previous band. “Drown” was a hit on alternative radio and the rest of the album is just as good.
Skunk Anansie, Paranoid and Sunburnt, released 21 September 1995. I’d find out about this band via the movie Strange Days which would be released quite soon (they make a major appearance near the end of the film) and I fell in love with their chaotic and angry energy, an outlet that was sorely lacking at the time for me. Sadly they never got any airplay Stateside, but I’ve always recommended them to anyone who likes kickass hard rock and alt-metal.
David Bowie, Outside, released 26 September 1995. Bowie has always been the one to reinvent himself with pretty much every new project, and this one was definitely an unexpected turn from the classy and clean Black Tie White Noise and the curious Buddha of Suburbia soundtrack. This one’s a tense and dense futuristic concept album that caused quite a lot of headscratching, but still managed a minor hit with “The Hearts Filthy Lesson” (which at the time reminded me a lot of Wire at their most adventurous).
Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories, Tails, released 26 September 1995. Meanwhile, the ubiquitous “Stay (I Missed You)” which appeared on the Reality Bites soundtrack appears on Lisa’s first major label record here, and it’s a huge hit on both alternative and commercial radio, and still gets play to this day.
Sonic Youth, Washing Machine, released 26 September 1995. This album was a bit of a headscratcher as well, as it’s much longer and more meandering than their blistering earlier sound or their early-90s compactness. It feels a lot like they’re a jam band here, which they always were to some degree. Interestingly enough the twenty-minute closer “The Diamond Sea” was the song chosen as a single, chopped down to a much quicker five.
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Next up: More changes to come, whether I’m ready or not.
I’ve told this story before: I started the summer with the best of intentions, and I even had a solid plan that I was putting into place: when Z moved out, one of my friends from college (who’d been looking to move back to Boston) would take his place as roommate. I was even thinking maybe I could find some freelance writing work somewhere, even if I started at the bottom. (Hell, I even tried my hand at writing a short story to see if I could sell it.)
Unfortunately, it all completely unraveled at once in the latter half of the month: the short story was a terrible mess, the freelance work was thin on the ground, I was getting even deeper in debt and our phone got cut off, and to top it off, my potential roommate had a falling out with Z when they crossed paths and he ragequit the idea all too quickly.
That’s pretty much the point where I finally gave up. I said fuck it, you’ve defeated me. I’m done. I made alternate plans: I talked to my boss at the theater and had him put in a good word at another one closer to my hometown so I’d at least have a job waiting for me. I started packing things up, throwing things out, and making plans to head home.
I don’t think I was as emotionally in the crapper as I was a few years previous when I left college, but my self-confidence definitely took a deep hit. I was more pissed off than depressed, to be honest. I made another plan with best intentions: I’d live at home for maybe six months or a year, and turn it around.
I had to start over. Again.
Whale, We Care, released 1 August 1995. This oddball Swedish band was hard to pin down; were they techno? Were they alternative? Were they just a mashup of bizarre noises and lyrics? Their one hit, the infectious and noisy “Hobo Humpin Slobo Babe” made no sense at all, but it’s definitely a 90s classic.
Letters to Cleo, Wholesale Meats and Fish, released 1 August 1995. This Boston band’s second album was an unexpected turn in a harder and punkier direction may have surprised some fans, but its raw energy made it a super fun album to listen to on a hot summer day, especially with the catchy “Awake” single.
Ben Folds Five, Ben Folds Five, released 8 August 1995. I wouldn’t hear of this band for maybe another month or so, but I was absolutely sold by the single “Underground” which was an absolutely hilarious pisstake on all things indie in the 90s. Once I bought the cd — from Folds himself when a friend and I saw him live in Northampton in January 1996 — it became one of my frequent go-to albums for several months afterwards.
Blur, “Country House” single and Oasis, “Roll with It” single, released 15 August 1995. These are bound together by fate and music history as the singles that turned the tide of Britpop…mainly due to all the UK music papers pitting the two against each other as the Ultimate Showdown. Which would hit number one on the charts first, the light and goofy Blur track with the Benny Hill pastiche video, or the bluesy and rocking Oasis song? Personally I thought the Oasis song was better (and I think (What’s the Story) Morning Glory is a better album than The Great Escape), but the Blur track was clearly the winner on the charts.
Garbage, Garbage, released 15 August 1995. The debut album is released and it blows almost everyone’s minds with its brilliance. Butch Vig has always been a great producer having helmed Nirvana’s Nevermind, but this band was his deliberate about-face: he wanted to take what he’d known in the early 90s and push it in a completely new direction. The result is dark, foreboding, sexy, humorous, and absolutely epic in sound and scope. It’s a hell of a great start for a band that’s been going strong ever since. Highly recommended.
Blind Melon, Soup, released 15 August 1995. The band’s last album, dropped mere months before lead singer Shannon Hoon’s death, doesn’t quite hit the same heights as their self-titled debut, but it does something unexpected: it leans heavily on the funk grooves and the exciting melodies that made that same first album so wonderful past their ubiquitious “No Rain” single.
Rancid, …And Out Come the Wolves, released 17 August 1995. One of the several East Bay punk bands of the 90s (its members were once part of the influential Operation Ivy), this particular group helped reintroduce the classic punk style to alternative radio in that decade, influencing even more punk revival bands in the process. Their third album was a surprise success with three big singles, including the skank-heavy “Time Bomb”, which still gets play to this day.
The Great Transcription Project was coming along quite nicely, because part of it was to get me used to sitting down in front of that computer and getting something done. That was the important part. Some days I’d do my older poetry, some days I’d do parts of the IWN or Belief in Fate or one of my other ancient projects that never got all that far. And this would inspire me to sit down and actually work on writing True Faith, even if it was a few paragraphs or a short scene.
Then I heard about the state film bureau’s screenplay contest! I’d known about this in the past via one of my siblings, but I figured, why the hell not? If anything would help me invest a considerable amount of time in this writing career I wanted, this would. And it would also give me a strict deadline: I had to get it done before July 31st. Which meant that I had exactly one month to write an entire screenplay. It just so happened that in all my juvenilia I was transcribing, I did in fact have one finished that I could revive and revise! It was One Step Closer to You, a John Hughes-esque enemies-to-lovers romp I’d written in 1987 right after finishing the IWN. And considering that I’d just gotten a college degree in this sort of thing, I dove in and worked on it every moment I wasn’t at the day job. And I got it done under deadline with three days to go! I spent that last weekend at my sister’s house, printed it out, and mailed it in that weekend.
Mind you, the end result isn’t exactly perfect and it definitely did not win any prizes, but it did prove a few things: a) I can definitely work under pressure with a deadline if I put my mind to it, b) I can definitely write every single day because it was something I love doing, and c) this proved that it wasn’t that I was a terrible student, it really was that unless I could hyperfocus on something I truly enjoyed, my patience and interest would wane considerably. [And as a side note, one of the revised scenes in the story had the main male character working at a local radio station, which I’d based on my time at WCAT…which I’d be returning to soon enough, though I obviously didn’t know that at the time.]
Yeah, this writing racket was definitely something I could see myself doing long term…
Foo Fighters, Foo Fighters, released 4 July 1995. When it was announced that the former Nirvana drummer was starting a band, most people weren’t expecting to hear wonderfully crafted and ridiculously catchy tunes that had only a distant passing similarity to the former group. Dave Grohl’s first record hit all the right buttons for several people and he’s been nailing it ever since.
Shaggy, Boombastic, released 11 July 1995. Proving that he wasn’t just a one hit wonder with “Oh Carolina”, he returned with one of his most popular songs that still gets play to this day. [Side note: when A and I went to see A Midsummer Night’s Dream at the Globe in London, Puck happened to burst into this song, causing Oberon to burst into laughter. It was a perfectly hilarious moment.]
Buffalo Tom, Sleepy Eyed, released 11 July 1995. The beloved Boston band returned with yet another great album. While it wasn’t as huge as Let Me Come Over or Red Letter Day (partly because they wanted to return to their more stripped-down roots), it’s nonetheless a fun album, and singles “Summer” and “Tangerine” were both radio favorites.
Ramones, ¡Adios Amigos!, released 18 July 1995. The kings of American punk — the band that inspired several UK punk bands — came to an end with this final album, and it was a hell of a great way to go as it’s one of their strongest later albums. They went on one final tour after this and I’m glad to say I was able to see them for it at Avalon in Boston. [And yes, every single song they performed started with the classic Ramone ‘1-2-3-4’ count-in.]
311, 311, released 25 July 1995. After two excellent albums that just couldn’t break through to the charts or even significant radio play, this third album smashed all expectations by being their best yet, with several songs getting major play on radio and on MTV. It’s still one of their biggest sellers, and it’s worth checking out.
The Presidents of the United States of America, The Presidents of the United States of America, released 25 July 1995. Meanwhile, these goofballs (who, by the way, opened up for Ramones on that show I just mentioned!) instantly reminded me of the Boston band Morphine: a trio of a drummer and two guys who played unconventional guitars. Only these three had their tongue firmly in cheek singing about Lumps, Peaches, Kitties, and Dune Buggies (and a nutty cover of the MC5 to top it off!) and giving themselves the most improbable name in alternative rock. It’s a bonkers debut full of silly humor and insanely catchy earworms. Definitely worth a listen.
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Up next: when all good (and not so good) things come to an end
Walk In Silence 