…I often think about this particular song by The Clockworks, which remains one of my top favorite songs of the last five years.
Why does this song remind me of the pandemic? Actually it’s the video.
There’s a day-end drone shot of the Bay Bridge here in San Francisco at around the 2:20 mark (and again at 3:05) that brings up the memory of my thirty-mile commute to and from Concord in the East Bay, and whenever I see it in this video, I wonder if my car is somewhere in that shot, heading westward into the city at the end of yet another hellish day. Even though the band released this track in late 2021, at least a year after I’d quit that particular job, the song perfectly encapsulates what that job had been doing to me over the last decade.
This was also around the time I’d been listening to KEXP almost religiously at this point, already an Amplifier (I still donate to them on a monthly basis!), and this track had gotten some major airplay, and I don’t blame them for putting it on heavy rotation as it’s still a hell of a banger. That station got me through a hell of a lot over the last five or so years.
It’s been over four years since I left that job in March 2020 (and I’m still glad I did), and a few years since the peak of that particular pandemic wave (and I’m still wearing a mask to work and still Covid-free) (knock on wood), so this song definitely emulates a feeling of weariness and uneasiness for me, reminding me that none of us really know what the hell was going on at the time, or how long it would last.
When every choice that I make is yours Keep telling me what’s right and what’s wrong Don’t you ever stop to think about me? I’m not that blind to see that you’ve been cheating on me
Every now and again I think about this song, especially during tense political climates. Sure, it’s a song about a failing relationship, but sometimes you can read lyrics different ways. Sometimes this particular lyric pops into my head whenever I hear conservatives go on about how much they know what I need. Despite never asking ahead of time for my input.
Which is why I’ve stopped listening to that party quite some time ago.
[And as an aside, I absolutely love the piano work on this track. One of my all-time favorites.]
I’ve decided I no longer want to be a doomsayer on socials. I want to be an island of calm for others instead. Someone needs to be the rock, yeah? I’ve been told I’m kinda good at that. — Me, on Threads, 2 July
I’ve said it so many times before, I rarely speak about political things on social media these days because I’m only just another voice getting lost in all the other white noise out there. I still get upset about all the current hateful and spiteful and deadly bullshit just like everyone else, but I’ve also already come to the conclusion that my strength is not in speaking up and speaking out, ironically enough. I might be good at telling a story, but I’m terrible at shouting from the rooftops. It’s something I’m trying to work through, though.
Maybe it’s that I’m a jaded Gen-Xer who’s lived through the 70s, 80s and 90s and Seen Shit? Or maybe it’s that I now know that reacting emotionally to every goddamn terrible event over the years has only given me high blood pressure and anxiety? That’s not to say I’m giving up or choosing a life of ignorant bliss, far from it.
I’ve just come to the conclusion that I need to play a different game with my own rules. If I can’t be a Voice, I can certainly be a Rock. Recently at the Day Job a coworker told me that I was the most Got Their Shit Together person they’d ever met, and that kind of threw me for a loop, considering the drama and anxiety and depression and stress I’d felt in the past. And I’ve come to realize that maybe I should use that as an advantage.
I’m definitely no white knight, that’s for sure. I’m just someone to connect with when you need to detox and a reminder that there is still goodness out there underneath everything else. That’s all I know how to offer, and I hope it can help if you need it.
The other day I ended a 391-day run of using the 750Words site, as I finally came to the conclusion that I was definitely repeating myself at that point. I’d run out of things to write about. It had become more about writing things than writing about things and that was getting very boring indeed. And to be honest, I was really missing writing entries for my blogs! I’m back to my normal schedule here once more.
But anyway! The other half of that title: stress. I’ve been thinking about what has been stressing me out lately at the Day Job, and I’ve come to the conclusion that a lot of it really is petty irritation. Dumb things that I probably really shouldn’t get all bent out of shape over. Maybe that one coworker who’s reacting differently (and indifferently) to a huge wave of customers has the right idea, taking it one at a time? Maybe my expectations are too high? That’s a product of the Former Day Job and maybe a sprinkling of one of the managers here, so maybe I just need to reel it back a bit. It’s only eight hours, and the volume definitely changes from day to day.
That said…what have I been listening to lately? A bit of prog rock, it seems. I haven’t listened to King Crimson in I don’t know how long, and for years I only owned the debut In the Court of the Crimson King, the one with the title track, “I Talk to the Wind” and “Epitaph”. Stellar record and very much a product of late 60s and early 70s prog. I’ve recently acquired many of their later works, including the early 80s Adrian Belew era that my college freshman year roommate really liked. I remember him listening to Discipline quite a bit and this memorable track popping up on the stereo.
Unfortunately I am falling behind on a lot of my writing work lately, so I’m going to be taking a few weeks off to catch up. It happens from time to time…whether it’s the Day Job sapping my energy or other non-writing things taking precedence now and again, I just run out of space on the schedule. It’s not my favorite feeling, to be honest, and sometimes I have to sacrifice things here and there. It’s not always to catch up, either…sometimes it’s just to give myself a mental and physical break to rest.
Sorry for the lack of interesting things to blog lately, but I’ve just been super busy at the Day Job and trying to get more writing work done on Theadia. Because of that, my blog schedule for Walk in Silence might continue to be a bit askew until further notice. Stay tuned!
I was reading some random posts on Threads the other day and someone mentioned how when some people talk about ‘the 90s’ (specifically about music), a lot of what they mention really started in the 80s, like Jane’s Addiction and their amazing 1988 album Nothing’s Shocking.
To which I responded: “I always say the truly formative alt rock years were really ’84-’89. It just happened to reach wider popularity in ’91.”
Which of course made me think that I really need to get my act together and finally write and complete that Walk in Silence book project. I think at this point it would be less a historical book and more of a personal memoir in which I write about the important albums and singles that influenced and inspired me during that time. And I’ve kind of been doing a very abbreviated version of it with my daily 750Words, so perhaps I’m a bit further ahead on this than I think I am…?
It’s been an interesting month here in Spare Oom, listening to a lot of great new releases alongside some older favorites, and somehow squeezing all that in between the Day Job and writing! Here’s the latest on my playlist…
Khruangbin, A LA SALA, 5 April. This band is kind of hard to categorize, as they tend to waver between Latinx pop, laid back jamming, maybe a bit of southern folk and maybe even a bit of jazz. Their new album is quite an enjoyable listen.
Garbage, Bleed Like Me Deluxe Edition, 5 April. After 2001’s synth-heavy Beautiful Garbage and failing at a follow-up they were happy with, they chose instead to return to their guitar roots and made a badass heavy record and regained their fanbase. This new deluxe edition features several b-sides and remixes.
The Black Keys, Ohio Players, 5 April. This duo is back with a sound that fuses their trademark indie blues with heavy funk and creating a wildly fun album. A lot of the critics and fans are really digging this one right now.
Vampire Weekend, Only God Was Above Us, 5 April. It’s been three years since their odd experimental release 40:42 and five since their last album Father of the Bride, but it’s well worth the wait. They’ve fully moved past their twee indie pop and gone straight into Flaming Lips-like weirdness yet still maintaining their pop sensibilities. Weird yet great.
Bad Bad Hats, Bad Bad Hats, 12 April. This album is so much fun!! On par with the oddball indie pop sounds of Wet Leg and beabadoobee, I instantly fell in love with the earwormy single “My Heart Your Heart” (which is one of my favorite songs of the moment). I highly recommend checking this one out!
cruush, Nice Things Now, All the Time EP, 12 April. If you love the sounds of early 90s 4AD like Lush and Pale Saints, you’ll probably love this band as well. I’ve been a big fan since hearing their single “bckwards 36” a few years back, and hope to see more from them soon.
Nia Archives, Silence Is Loud, 12 April. I heard of her via KEXP of course, and I love that she’s used the classic drum ‘n bass beat on this track as a way to balance the up-down moodiness. The whole album is an interesting trip.
English Teacher, This Could Be Texas, 12 April. Another oddball indie pop band with super catchy songs. This one’s all over the place sonically and lyrically but that’s its charm: you never quite know where it’s going to go next. Highly recommended.
The Reds, PInks & Purples, Unwishing Well, 12 April. Glenn Donaldson’s latest somehow manages to be even better than his last RP&P album, which was amazing in itself. As always, recommended if you love the dreamy echoey sounds of 80s college radio.
Pearl Jam, Dark Matter, 19 April. They can do quiet just as well as they can do loud, and when they do loud it’s always powerful. The new record might not be as heavy as 2020’s Gigaton, but it’s just as energetic as they were in their 90s heyday.
Lucy Rose, This Ain’t the Way You Go Out, 19 April. Somehow she reminds me of some of the 90s women of alternative rock I liked so much — she definitely reminds me of Jen Trynin’s work, but with a more Joni Mitchell style — but also those of today like Lucy Dacus. A fine songwriter worth checking out.
St Vincent, All Born Screaming, 26 April. Annie Clark is back once again being weird and quirky and sexy and strange, sometimes within the space of a single song. It’s a welcome return to her Masseduction sound.
Sorry for the lack of updates, but I’ve been busy focusing on Theadia and a few other things so I haven’t had the time or the brainspace to think too much about posting here. I’ll probably be back next Tuesday with April’s ‘what I’m listening to’ roundup.
It’s a lovely day and also my day off! The sun is out, the temperature’s hovering in the upper 60s, and to top it all off, the teens have been on spring break so it’s been relatively quiet at work as well. So I’m just going to kick back and relax, maybe get some writing done later this afternoon.
Walk In Silence 